What about socialization?

This is one of the first questions people ask about homeschooling, and I'll be honest enough to admit it was one of my major concerns. The question can have many meanings.

How will your child learn to stand in line, raise his hand before speaking, take turns, etc.?

My child will learn any skills useful for living as we spend our days together.

I don't raise my hand before speaking in the course of daily life, and I don't consider it a useful skill. So while my children may never perfect the art of waving their hands around shouting "me, me - pick me," they will know how to let others finish before speaking, greet others politely, etc. They will learn those skills by watching me and having me there to coach them in their day to day interactions.

As for standing in line, we do it weekly at the grocery store. The problem my kids have when in line with other children is that they don't run, push and shove to get in the front. They usually end up at the back, perfectly content, assuming every one will get a turn. I'm usually the one standing there fighting the urge to say, "hurry, hurry - get up front" or "don't let him cut in front of you." :)

How will your child learn to handle bullies?

I don't think children who are bullied learn to handle bullies. I think children who are bullied learn to tolerate being bullied. And those who can't tolerate it suffer terribly, sometimes hurting themselves or others (as we saw in the Columbine killings).

Further, I don't think learning to handle bullies is a useful skill. I have not had a group of girls threaten to beat me up since high school. I have not been in a physical altercation (I was in at least 4 and even won a couple, thankyouverymuch) since high school. I have not been groped or sexually harassed since - you guessed it - high school.

As an adult I have to deal with difficult people, but if I find someone extremely unpleasant, I can choose not to be around him or her. Not once have I been forced to endure daily taunting, ridicule or physical assault or interact with those who would engage in such behavior. And the bullying I encountered in school did not teach me appropriate ways to handle difficult people. It taught me to be hard hearted and quick tempered, and to always walk around with a slightly mean look on my face.

How will your child learn to be around people that are different than he is?

Public school students spend their days in a room with thirty or so children who are their same age, socioeconomic status and, more often than not, race. These children quickly learn that older kids do not play with younger kids, girls don't play with boys, rich kids don't play with kids who shop at Target, skinny kids don't play with fat kids, and so on.

These children also learn to adjust their mannerisms and behaviors to mimic those of their classmates, and to torment those who don't fall in line. School does not teach children to appreciate diversity. It teaches conformity and pecking order.

As an adult I do not sit in a room full of other thirty year olds, taunting the person next to me because she has a big nose and wears glasses. I don't want my children on the giving or receiving end of that unsocial behavior.

In the course of a week, my oldest may visit my grandma and her roommate in the nursing home, chat with a grocery store clerk or librarian, practice flag football with his age mates and entertain his younger sister and a friend. We go on outings and read stories from other cultures as well as those from our own culture. This is how he learns to appreciate diversity.

How will your child make friends/learn to be a good friend?

This is an area where I still doubt myself at times. And every time the Lord brings me back to the truth, most recently in the form of a book which is not even about homeschooling, called Hold On to Your Kids. It is a difficult read, but worth it if you can get past the pyschobabble and faulty discipline advice. Chapters 14, 15 and 17 are especially worth reading.

The premise of Hold On to Your Kids is that early peer relationships are HARMFUL to children and are the cause of disrespect, rebellion, bullying, victimization and many other undesirable behaviors. The authors, Gordon Neufeld and Gabor Mate, contend that children do not need to build relationships with other children, they need relationships with loving adults.

The book confirmed everything my aunt and Elizabeth from Raising Godly Tomatoes have been teaching me about sheltering and the dangers of peer orientation. Since my family cut back on play dates and age-segregated activities, my oldest is more confident, content and creative, and much better behaved.

How will your child learn good social skills?

I've rambled on enough, so I leave you with this quote from Dr. Raymond Moore:

"So how would you feel if local laws required that you bring your pup to the bus stop each day to join other dogs in a yellow cage that wheels down the road to the kennel or pound for socializing exercises? You know for sure that association with the pack is the fastest way to destroy any obedience training *you* have planned.

Does anyone who knows children believe that the yellow school bus takes children down the road to a constructive, positive sense of society? Or returns them in the afternoon or evening more loving creatures than when they left in the morning?"-Dr. Raymond Moore, The Successful Homeschool Family Handbook