The Truth About Self-Esteem

The truth about self-esteem is that modern day kids have too much of it.

I realized this about my own son a few years ago. He was asking what the word "respect" meant, and I was trying to explain that respect is something you give someone who is more important than you. (I know, not the best explanation.)

So Andrew responds, "Well, no one is really more important than I am." And my little mommy radar said, "Hmm..."

I have noticed that when my son becomes pouty, moody, easily agitated and disrespectful, high self-esteem is often the root cause of it. I often have to remind Andrew that he is not entitled to have his way, that he is not above being corrected, and he is not so perfect that he can't make mistakes. The same is true for all of us.

I found it interesting that John Rosemond devotes a section of his book, Parenting By the Book, to the unbiblical concept of self-esteem. The Bible says we are to esteem others, and humble ourselves. In fact, Jesus, who was Lord of Lords and King of Kings, "esteemed himself not."

Rosemond states that high self-esteem produces an entitlement mentality, low self control and a criminal/sociopath mindset. He notes that individuals such as Adolf Hitler had such high self-esteem that they had no regard for others. While Mother Teresa and Mahatma Gandhi willingly put others before themselves.

It so often seems we blame our children's poor behavior, discontendedness, and even depression on poor self-esteem when in fact the opposite might be true. Instead of pouring on the praise in an attempt to boost our children's self-esteem, perhaps we should teach them to stop thinking of themselves and think of others.

Parenting by the Book

I have pretty much sworn off parenting books as I feel most of them do more harm than good. However, we were asked to facilitate a parenting group at church based on John Rosemond's Parenting By the Book, and the one word I would use to describe it is, "Refreshing!" Finally, someone with a psychology degree and common sense.

John Rosemond is a psychologist who debunks all the psychology regarding modern day parenting. I do not agree with all of the discipline techniques outlined in Rosemond's book (or any book other than the Bible). However, Rosemond himself says that it is not the method at all which makes great parenting, but the leadership provided by parents.

That's one reason I shy away from most talk about parenting techniques and the parenting "tool box". Are we raising children or fixing vacuum cleaners?

Rosemond feels that modern parents are over reliant on rewards and consequences. Although these systems seem logical, children aren't animals that must respond a certain way according to stimuli. A child has free will and a rebellious nature, and can choose to behave poorly even in the face of a threat or bribe. My oldest son demonstrated Rosemond's point around age 2 or 3.

When Andrew was a toddler, I was caught up in the whole "1 minute of time out per age" routine, and I quickly realized it wasn't working. Andrew could care less whether or not he spent two minutes in time out. In fact, he made a point of showing me it did not effect him.

One day, Andrew started screaming every time I put him in time out. So I said, "If you scream I'm going to close the door." The next time I put him in time out he closed the door on his own. So I said, "Fine, I'll take away your favorite toy." He handed me another toy and said, "Here, take this one too." I was caught up in a game of one upmanship with a 2 year old. Even worse, he was winning!

Now I'm sure there's some psychology major out there thinking, "Something in the home environment must have caused your son to rebel." But I agree with Rosemond's assessment of what causes children to rebel - good old fashioned sin nature. We all have one.

Rosemond says we must get past the the constant questioning of "why" our children misbehave. We must reject the notion that children are born good and will behave well as long as the adults around them are perfect. Bad behavior is not always a result of lack of attention, trust issues, or any of the other nonsense labels we give it. It is often, quite simply, sinful behavior.

I once heard a mom ask for advice on how to stop her 5 year old son from hitting and kicking her. She was told, "Read a book about why hitting hurts. Then make a sticker chart, and if your son goes 5 days without hitting, take him out for ice cream." LOL! That's not what the police will do if Johnny doesn't soon stop his violent behavior.

So what does Rosemond advocate?

1. Stop turning a misbehaving child into a victim by trying to figure out what you may have done to cause the bad behavior. Let your child take ownership for his actions, and make it clear that the behavior must stop.

2. Focus on the type of man or woman you want your child to become, and parent with those goals in mind. Spend less time investing in academics and achievement, and more time investing in values and character.

3. Remember that discipline and love are two sides of the same coin. Do not neglect loving discipline.

Rosemond also advocates *gasp* homeschooling for those who "feel up to it". You know that won him some points in my book.

I'll have to post later about Rosemond's thoughts on self-esteem. I'm sure some of you are already planning a book burning!

Making Memories...

Our washing machine is broken so I had to go to the laundromat last week. Drew came and helped me load the clothes into the machines, insert coins and fold clothes. We ate sub sandwiches and chips, drank soda, and played video games. They had Ms. Pac Man and Galaga just like the laundromat I went to as a little girl. Drew preferred the driving game.


We sat on the folding table and let our legs dangle off the end. (I don't know why it still seems exciting to hop up on those tables.) Then we folded and folded and folded, until the baskets were overflowing with clothes. I showed Drew how to place a towel on top of the folded clothes and tuck the edges inside the basket so the clothes wouldn't fall out on the way to the car. We had so much fun!


I had to go back to the laundromat last night and Drew wanted to come so badly, but it was too late to have him out. I called my mom as I loaded the car to come home and one of the baskets tipped over. I said, "Good thing I tucked a towel around the clothes." She said, "You remember? We used to have so much fun."


My family used to take annual summer vacations. I don't remember much about them, other than the long car rides. But I vividly remember the books my mother read me and the games we played. I remember Wednesday night church dinners and Saturday craft fairs. I remember baking cookies and going to the same restaurants so many times that the employees automatically knew our orders. At the Chinese restaurant we were Beef Broccoli. At Pizza Hut we were 2 Personal Pan Supremes. Bic's diner was our favorite. The owner passed away a while back, but I still take my children there.


I think the money my mom spent on Disneyland was mostly wasted. It was fun, but my special childhood memories are of things that were free. Love, warmth, consistency, and safety gave me the confidence to go out into the world, not fancy gadgets and vacations and puffed up, phony self-esteem.


When I look back at my childhood, I see my mother and I together. That made great memories and that made me a happy kid.

I am beginning to see the error in the notion of quality time. Our children don't need occasional spurts of fancy activities, they need large quantities of time with us.

On Television...

"Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For everything in the world-the cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has and does-comes not from the Father but from the world. The world and its desires pass away, but the man who does the will of God lives forever." 1 John 2:15-17

It seems the more I seek the Lord, the more I find myself being called away from things of the world. I wish I always responded with cheerful obedience, but I'll admit I often go kicking and screaming, "Please, Lord. Not that. Not something else that will make me look like a weirdo."

Oprah was the first to go. I have long been a fan of Oprah and once flew to Chicago to attend a taping. But over the years it seems she has developed an agenda - and it's not family friendly. I've been checking her show's lineup for fear of missing her interview with the Duggars. But after finding shows that advocate divorce, open marriage, homosexuality and transgender, and even watching a show in which she glorified polygamy, it has become clear that not even the Duggars can redeem Oprah.


Next to go - TV dramas. I find the characters on Grey's anatomy extremely annoying, but J likes the show and I get caught up in the storyline. However, I've recently been disgusted by the show's portrayal of casual sex, adultery and divorce. I found myself wondering, "If it is not okay to do these things, why is it okay to watch them being done?

As I was pondering the above, I came across the following link on Candy's blog.

What's Behind the Wall?

Now Tracy's opinion is very strongly worded, but that's just a personal preference. I tend to like people who are either hot or cold, even if they think I'm sinning. I don't agree with all of her thoughts on "hellivision." (Sorry, I also like inflammatory language.) But I do think she makes a great case for severely limiting or eliminating TV.

I find it interesting that she mentions "panic attacks". While I am not sure they are "caused by spirits", I have long wondered if our daily dose of murder and mayhem (in the form of nightly news) is a contributor to the anxiety and depression many Americans experience.

I've also wondered how our fascination with Hollywood (or "unholywood") contributes to our mental state. Were we really meant to become engrossed in the lives and problems of fictitious characters, reality show stars and celebrities? It is astonishing how much of our day to day conversations are centered around made-up story lines and people we don't even know.

Please understand that I do not believe watching television is inherently sinful. Drew and J are watching football as I type. Yet even something as harmless as sports comes with a price. Last week Drew said, "When I turn 8, can I have a bud light?" Do you see how the commercials are training his appetites? How long will it be before he notices the cheerleaders' short skirts?

Commercialism (the cravings of the sinful man)... Sex and violence (the lusts of the flesh)... materialism (the boasting of what he has and does)... TV seems to show the worst of what the world has to offer, yet we love it so.

"The world and its desires pass away, but the man who does the will of God lives forever."

Before you turn on the tube, consider the cost. Immorality aside, can we find no better way to spend time?

She's on a roll...

Camilla has had some awesome posts lately and I want to make sure you have a chance to read them. I do not agree with everything Camilla says. Some things that are right for her family are wrong for mine. Some things that are wrong for her family are right for mine.

Don't look at each instance of what she has declared is right and wrong, look to the overarching principles in her posts. Seek the Lord and ask Him to show you what needs changing in your children's lives. Then ask Him to help you actually do it.

Here is a post about our children's appetites. Most of my children's negative appetites are the result of my sinful desires and laziness.

Here's another about being willing to pay the price for our children. Ladies, you MUST be willing to do the hard work of parenting. There are no shortcuts.

I also like this one about brainwashing our children. I sure don't want my children to have dirty brains!

Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this...

to look after orphan and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world. James 2:27

I have always said that I'm neither a Democrat nor a Republican, but I cannot imagine ever again voting for a pro-choice presidential candidate. Jess, from Making Home, has two great posts on the subject of abortion.

The Horror of Abortion: and what we can DO about it...

A Glimpse of the Future: Abortion Museums

I have a friend who faced two pregnancies while in less than desireable circumstances, and despite being pressured to do otherwise - she chose life! She is a true hero in my opinion.

I also want to tell you about another blog I'm adding to the favorites I check daily. Rene is a true believer who has greatly encouraged me in my walk with the Lord. She shares stories about her beautiful family and speaks openly about adoption on her blog Steppin Heavenward.

I don't want to hear any negative remarks about white families adopting black babies. If you are so concerned about these children, why haven't you adopted?

The Good Life...

I overheard the song, The Good Life by hip hop artist Kanye West. I looked up the lyrics and they are not worth posting, but in Kanye's opinion happiness is about fame, travel, expensive cars, women, money and alcohol. Sorry... I just don't buy it. I doubt Kanye is truly joyful and at peace.

The media props up celebrity and wants us to think that is the road to happiness. Fit bodies, casual sex, designer clothes and mansions. But have you read anything about Britney Spears lately? How about Lindsey Lohan? Remember what celebrity did to Michael Jackson? Fame and fortune can't buy happiness.

The world says our kids will be happy if we give them expensive gadgets and freedom to be with their friends. But despite the cell phones, ipods, video games and peer obsession; eating disorders, sexual deviancy, depression, cutting are on the rise. Our children are crying out to us in pain.

The experts will tell you the key to being a great wife and mother is to pursue a career, "me" time, divorce, open marriage or lesbian relationship. They say, "your children will be happy knowing you are fulfilled." But children don't care about whether or not our needs are met, they care that we are joyfully meeting their needs. You don't need "me" time to do that. And you certainly don't need a divorce. Divorce is like death to a child.

Ten years ago I thought I wanted to become a lawyer. I thought I wanted money, a career, respect and admiration. I thought I wanted to be known. But the Lord tucked me away in the suburbs and gave me a husband and three lambs to tend.

Then I thought I wanted a writing career, outside commitments and "me" time. But God said all you need is ME.

I'm so glad the Lord gave me what I never knew I wanted. I spend my days reading stories, wiping bottoms and cleaning up spills. I am known only by the ones who matter, and I have never been so content. I have never been more at peace.

My husband, my children, my home - that's my good life. Yours may not look like mine.

But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness and all these things will be given to you as well." Mathew 6:33

Don't seek things - seek His kingdom.

Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. The you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - his GOOD, PLEASING and PERFECT will. Romans 12:2 (emphasis mine)

Turn the TV off, put the magazines down, stop listening to the experts and seek Him. What could be better than His perfect will? THAT's the good life.

As a man thinketh...

Lately I've been asking the Lord for wisdom to raise my oldest. I remember telling J we only have 11 years to get Drew ready for the world and I feared the sharks would eat him alive. The Lord answered my prayers during a seminar we attended last night in which Dr. Robert Rohm explained the DISC personality types.

• D's are dominant, and want to lead and be productive. (Let's get the job done!)


• I's are inspiring, entertaining and talkative. (Are we having fun yet?)


• S's are supportive, sensitive and focused on relationships. (Can't we all just get along?)


• C's are cautious, analytical and detail oriented. (Cross your T's, dot your I's and mind your P's & Q's.)

J is cautious. You should have seen his eyes light up when he saw the words "quality" and "excellence" associated with his trait. His secondary trait is dominant. I'm split between dominant and supportive (which is a rare combination), but I'm mostly dominant (come on... my pseudonym is "Queen").

Jazzy is dominant and easy to parent because J and I "get" her. I always say she learned to talk early so she could boss us around.

Drew... Well, Drew thankfully isn't like us. But, I've been viewing his supportive personality exactly the way Dr. Rohm suggests I would view it. And in trying to motivate Drew to change traits I view as weaknesses, I have done several things Dr. Rohm says will de-motivate him. I am producing the opposite of what I want for my son.

The Bible says "Death and life are in the power of the tongue..." (Proverbs 18:21), and Dr. Rohm says we need to be careful to speak life, not death over our children. A few weeks ago I sought counsel from my aunt regarding my concerns and she said the same thing in a different way. Our children sense our thoughts about them. Our thoughts become their thoughts, and "For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he..." (Proverbs 23:7). We must be mindful of our words and thoughts about our children.

Dr. Rohm touched on something else that has been on my heart lately. He said around 80% of school teachers are cautious or supportive and will tend to think there's something wrong with the dominant's who tend towards defiance and the inspiring's who can be overly energetic/distracted. He said one practitioner told him that out of 100 dominant's and inspiring's that were referred to her for treatment, only 3 had true disorders.

This is another reason I am against the trend toward labeling/medicating children. If we medicate all the boys who are stubborn as mules, can't sit still and live life on the edge - who will be our entrepreneurs, fire fighters and navy seals? Who will fight our nation's wars? We aren't all wired to be paper pushers and bean counters. Leave these kids alone! Or better yet, find a way to bottle that energy and sell it to me!!!

Anyway, back on topic, I encourage you to look at Dr. Rohm's materials to see if they can give you insight into conflicts or concerns you are having with your children.

I saw our family in so much of what Dr. Rohm said in his seminar. Me standing over Drew saying "hurry", which causes him to get flustered and move more slowly. J making plans for our trip and asking repeatedly "Should we stay at hotel x or hotel y?" Which takes me from supportive, "Whatever you choose is fine with me, dear" to dominant, "I couldn't care less where we stay. Just choose already!"

J is going to read this and get frustrated because I used the full name of the traits instead of the initials D, I, S and C. But I'm dominant and this is my blog...

Long live the Queen!

Are You Ready for Some Football???

We're sports loving family and football season is underway. Flag football, that is...

I have a crush on the coach!

Nice handoff!

Last Saturday was our first game. After the first few plays, the quarterback runs off the field and says, "Mom, I'm scared. I don't want those boys to touch me." To which mom in all her gentleness replies, "Get back out there son! Your team needs you! And stop throwing the ball away! Wait until your man is open! Now, let me see a mean face... Meaner... Okay, GO!" Not one of my best parenting moments, but that's where I was a the time.

I am not athletic, but I am competitive. Everything I do must be done to perfection. It is not enough to do my best, I must BE the best. Drew, on the other hand, is naturally strong and atheletic. He can throw the football dead on. He can catch the ball on the move, over his shoulder, with his fingertips. He can outrun all but one player on his team, but he'd rather jog.

In watching Drew play football, I've noticed some areas for development in his character (confidence, assertiveness, courage) and some in mine as well (which I'm sure you don't want to hear about). The good thing is that he isn't on his own to learn these things on the schoolyard and I'm not on my own, blissfully unaware of my faults. We're growing together.

And now for pics of my beautiful ballerina, who is every bit as competitive as her perfectionistic Mommy, and would take on the her brother's football team any day (and likely show them up).

The night before her first lesson, J and the kids were practicing football and he says, "When you run, dig your heels in and push against the ground." I'm like, "Um, honey, that's the opposite of what she's going to learn tomorrow."

Sure enough the next day Jazzy is clomping around the room while her prim and proper teacher says, "don't let me hear you... toe, heel... toe, heel..."

Won't be long before we trade those slippers in for shin guards...

Love letters...

A few weeks ago, out of the blue, I pulled out two sheets of computer paper. I drew a picture of a car on one and wrote, "Dear Drew, I love you. You are a good son and brother. Love, Mom." I wrote something similar on Jazzy's and drew a flower on hers.

A few weeks later, Jazzy told me she needed to make me a card with tape and paper. She cut the paper into a little rectangle, put some tape on it, made a few marks on it and put it in an envelope. I asked her what it said and she said, "Dear Mom, You are such a good Mommy."

Here's the card:

Ladies, I will be honest and tell you that I had to ask the Lord to help me enjoy my children. I always loved them and I knew they were precious, but I was wishing the time away. After all, I had a degree. I wasn't meant to be just a wife and mother. I wanted more out of life.

I heard a testimony from a woman at church who always dreaded summer break when her children would be home full-time. She was envious of the mothers who looked forward to having time to spend with their children. She asked the Lord to change her heart, and He did.

I am the type of person who feels that if the Lord can do it for someone else, He can do it for me. ("I now realize how true it is that God does not show favoritism..." Acts 10:34) So I prayed and God has been faithful.

I can now say I look forward to spending every day with my children. I don't long for a career and I don't long for "me" time. If serving my family is all I ever do in life, it will have been a life well lived.

It warmed my heart to hear Jazzy read her letter. She gives back all the love I give her, and then some. I don't regret a single second I invest in my children. The returns are unbeatable!

Ice Cream Sandwiches...

Last night we made ice cream sandwiches. They were yummy so we made some more this morning.

Here's the recipe:

1 quart vanilla ice cream

1 dozen fresh baked or store bought cookies

1 package candy sprinkles

Let cookies cool before beginning. Let ice cream sit at room temperature for about 10 minutes to soften. Place a scoop of ice cream on 6 cookies. Place second cookie on top creating a sandwich. Roll sides of ice cream sandwiches in candy sprinkles. Wrap each sandwich in waxed or parchment paper and return to the freezer for 1-2 hours to harden. Serves 6.

Here's what they look like before freezing:

These were a little too sweet for my taste, but the kids loved them and they were fun (and easy) to make.

Training Sessions...

I learned about training sessions from the RGT site.

Basically, the concept behind training sessions is that instead of only telling your children what they shouldn't do, you also want to teach them what they Should do.

For example, due to a recent incident, I know my kids need phone training. Here's what it may look like:

Me: Kids, when I am on the telephone, I want you to stay in the same room with me and sit down to a quiet activity so I will be able to hear the person I'm talking to. Got it?
Children: Yes ma'am.
Me: Is the piano quiet?
Children: Noooo.
Me: Is running around playing tag quiet?
Children: Noooo.
Me: Is that sitting down?
Children: Noooo.
Me: Is asking me for cookiescakeicecreamgum quiet? (I usually put some silly ones in there.)
Children: Noooo.
Me: What is quiet?
Children: Books! Puzzles! Legos!
Me: Yes, those are good ideas. Now let's practice. Pretend I'm on the phone. (I put phone to my ear and pretend to talk. Kids get a book or legos.) Good! (Or if they stand up.) You're not sitting. (Or if they get a loud toy.) That's not quiet.
And so on...

One area this has been invaluable is with sitting quietly. We have been to many church meetings lately and people have been amazed that my children can sit through them quietly. This is something we practiced starting with short time periods and building up to longer ones.

Another area where training has been helpful is with saying "yes ma'am/no ma'am". We made a game out of it.

Me: Children, I am going to tell you to do something and I want you to say "yes ma'am". Go put this is the trash.
Child: Yes ma'am. (And does it.)
Me: Hop on one foot.
Child: Yes ma'am. (And does it.)
Me: Pour some water on the floor.
Child: Looks at me questioningly.
Me: Pour some water on the floor. Say yes ma'am.
Child: Yes ma'am. (And does it.)
And so on...

They are finally getting the hang of saying yes ma'am/no ma'am, as is respectful in our area of the country.

I try to keep training sessions fun at first. Then once they have practiced it a bit, I begin to expect the proper behavior.

Sometimes training session are not fun. I know someone who trained who trained an ungrateful child to be thankful by purposely giving the child a smaller piece of dessert so the child would learn to be glad for what she got and not always comparing it to what others have. "You are going to get a smaller piece of pie and if you say anything other than 'thank you', you get nothing at all."

So you can set up training sessions for any number of issues. Some areas we'll be working on are interrupting politely, telephone etiquette, and greetings/introductions.

If you're entering a situation you have trained for, it is helpful to remind your kids of how they should behave. Similar to how our parents would remind us before entering a grocery store that, "You're not getting anything. Don't ask for anything. And you betta not touch anything." But a kinder/gentler version. :)

Disclaimer: If you don't have basic obedience from your child. Re-read the basics of the RGT site and don't bother doing any training sessions. They will be of no use if your children refuse to obey you. Besides, if your children regularly refuse to obey you, you have bigger problems then how they act when you're on the telephone.

Children vs. Dogs...

Here's the test:

1. When you call your child, does she come right away?

2. Will your child sit/wait/be quiet when you tell him to?

3. If your child is enjoying something, will she willingly hand it over when asked without being coaxed, threatened or bribed?

4. Will your child follow simple instructions, such as "put your toys in the basket", "don't touch" or "put on your shoes" the first time you ask?

5. Can your child handle a "no" or an "it's time to leave" without whining or throwing a tantrum?


I think many of us have been fooled by the "experts" into believing our children are not capable of basic obedience. Deep down we know our children should be able to do these things, but instead of trusting our instincts, we listen to the psychobabble. We spend our days coaxing, bribing and manipulating our children into doing the simplests of tasks. No wonder many of us are prone to angry outbursts!

Even a dog can come, stay, sit, fetch and follow simple commands. Is your child smarter than a dog? I hope so.

If he or she can't follow basic instructions cheerfully, you may want to set up some training sessions. More on that tomorrow.

Outdoor Fun...

J was home for our outside time one morning last week and I made an obstacle course in the backyard. We all took turns going through it and cheering each other on.

The jump rope is the starting line. Throw the ball in the bucket. Step into the hoola hoop and do 5 jumping jacks. Hop side to side several times over the swim noodle. Kick the soccer ball between the cones (at the end, but not pictured). And run zig zag thru another set of cones back to the fence.

There are so many ways to have fun using things you have in your backyard. We have races and play tag and catch bubbles and practice different sports skills.

Next time I'm going to design a course that involves balancing bean bags on our heads. The sillier things get, the more fun we have!

Outdoor Activities...

A few ideas for outdoor fun:

Shaving Cream
Stilts
Hopscotch
Dodge Ball
Sidewalk Chalk
Watch Clouds
Potato Sack Race
Scooter
Obstacle Course
Nature Scavenger Hunt
Soccer
Plant Seeds
Frisbee
Pull Weeds
Baseball
Play with Slime/Goop
Basketball
Sling Shot
Painting with Water
Hide and Seek
Paint (using fence as an easel)
High Jump
Sandbox
Long Jump
Tag
Blindfolds
Ride Bikes
Finger Paint
Walk to Park
Red Light/Green Light
Feed Ducks at Park
Four Square
Eat Outside
Ball Tag
Eat Popsicles
Wall Ball
Play with Ice Cubes (make jumbo cubes in milk carton or use food coloring before freezing)
Splash in the Creek
Jump Rope
Catch Bugs
Hammer Nails into Wood
Look for Tadpoles
Paint or Sand Wood
Fish
Build a Fort w/Boxes or Sheets
Kickball
Practice Juggling

and everybody's favorite... Water Balloons!

Our junk box...

After the big toy giveaway, I took an empty Huggies box and started filling it with junk - shoe boxes, cereal boxes, toilet paper rolls, mayonnaise squeeze bottles - basically anything that I would have formerly thrown away that the kids could use for crafts.

Andrew looks in the box every morning, and uses the items to make all sorts of things. Here are some instruments - a drum, a kazoo and a guitar. We've used them to entertain guests.


Here's a pirate ship. Guess I could have saved the money I spent on Playmobile.


One day the kids went for a walk with their Grandma and came back with rocks, leaves and flowers (which I was recently told I should let them bring inside). I grabbed an empty wipes container and an old shoe box from the "junk box", gave one to each of them to use as a "nature box".

The kids were so excited to show their treasures to their daddy. Jazzy pulled hers out this weekend to show her rock (chunk of concrete) to J's best friend.

I really need to do nature walks with them more often. It really is fun for them to find treasures to bring inside.

Mom, DON'T come in here...

That is a sure sign that I need to come running!

A few week ago I was on the phone and heard some running around in the kitchen. I went in to see the floor covered with water and Jazzy slipping around, half dressed from having tried to change clothes.

Drew had taken a cardboard oatmeal canister from the junk box, filled it with water and given it to Jazzy to hold. He said he was going to put soap and ice in it and put it in his room.

So we had a nice little talk about coming To mom when you make mistakes instead of trying to Hide them from her. And we definitely need to have a training session on how to behave when Mom's on the phone. BTDT with mouthing threats at the children while trying to sound polite and cheerful to the person on the other end of the phone. It just doesn't work!

I remember growing up it seemed my mom had a split personality. She'd smile at whoever she was talking to, then turn around, look at me with furrowed brow and tight eyes, and mouth, "Be Quiet" or "Sit Still!"

Sigh. Those were the good old days...

I sure do love my Mommy!

Because this is MY blog...

And I can say what I want here, I want to share with you ladies something that is heavy on my heart. Something which I have been attacked for saying.

If you are not a Christian, you may think I've lost my mind. If you are a Christian who thinks I've lost my mind, I challenge you to read your Bible.

Many of us are struggling with our children's behavior. We do live in a toxic environment, and in some very rare instances, there is a medical issue involved. But in most cases, we need look no further than modern day, faulty parenting techniques.

There is something very wrong when kids can't leave the park without throwing screaming fits, when parents have to chase their kids to get them in the car, when we can't take them to the grocery store because they'll make us buy them things, when 8 year olds are having "meltdowns" because they can't have what they want.

My children are not perfect, so I say this without pride. My heart hurts for struggling mothers and their children. And to those of you I know personally, I cry for you. My greatest fear is that a generation will be lost.

Some modern day "experts" think they are smarter than God. These experts are asking, "Did God really say...?"

Well Yes, God has said, "Children obey your parents." (Ephesians 6:1)

And Yes, God has said, "Honor your father and mother." (Ephesians 6:2)

God has also said, "No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace." (Hebrews 12:11)

Here is what else He has said.

Notice He did NOT say, "Parents please your children."

Nor did He say, "Win them over with your love."

I do not understand the current grace-based movement which twists scripture into a feel good parenting philosphy. Nor do I understand the move towards seeing physicians and psychologists regarding our children's behavior. They do not teach courses on biblical discipline in medical school. Unless these physicians have raised three or four children into godly adults, they have Nothing to offer me by way of advice on parenting.

"For our struggle is NOT against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." (Ephesians 6:12, emphasis mine)

As parents we are in a spiritual battle for our children's lives and souls. Previous generations seemed to understand this.

My mother once told me the story of when my uncle got caught stealing money from his brother. His mother, my sweet Granny, told my uncle she would NOT let him grow up to be a thief. She spanked him every single day for a week. (And don't let her sweet face fool you, my grandma could take down any rebellious young man.) When grandpa got home, he did his son the same favor. Do you think Grandpa took pleasure in spanking his little buddy? Of course not. Did Grandma want to see her little boy cry? No mother does.

Now if you think this post is about spanking, you are way off the mark. This post is about doing what it takes to save our children.

"Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour." (1 Peter 5:8) Do you want the devil to devour your children? Do you want your children lost to a life of drugs and crime?

Stop focusing on your children's wants and focus on their needs. Forget self-esteem and build character in your children. Self-esteem is not a biblical concept. The Bible tells us to humble ourselves and esteem others. (Phillipians 2)

Put those parenting books down and open your Bibles. Read a chapter of Proverbs each day, if nothing else. Save your $10 co-pay and find a couple who has raised godly children to adulthood. Sit yourself at their feet and be prepared to take notes. Live with them for a week if you must.

Arm yourselves with the belt of Truth, the breastplate of Righteousness, the gospel of Peace, the shield of Faith, the helmet of Salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God (Ephesians 6:14-17).

Fast and pray. Get down on your knees and cry out to God.

Don't fall into bed at night exhausted because your children have harrassed you. Fall into bed exhausted because you've been fighting for their lives and souls. You are raising your children for the Lord.

I know there are some out there who disagree with me and will employ all manner of nastiness to keep me from speaking my views. If you post nasty comments here, they will be deleted. Re-read the title of this post. This is MY blog.

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand." Ephesians 6:13

For those of you who know and love me, I ask you to pray for me. There is a spirit of deception at work in our culture, and I feel the Lord is telling me to Stand.

On Discipline...

Taken from the NIV, emphasis mine.

"The evil deeds of wicked man ensnare him; the cords of his sin hold him fast. He will die for his lack of discipline, led astray by his own great folly." (Proverbs 5:22-23)

"The corrections of discipline are the way to life." (Proverbs 6:23)

"He who ignores discipline comes to poverty and shame." (Proverbs 13:18)

"Stern discipline awaits him who leaves the path; he who hates correction will die." (Proverbs 15:10)

"He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline." (Proverbs 13:24)

"Discipline your son, for in that there is hope; do not be a willing party to his death." (Proverbs 19:18)

"Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it." (Proverbs 12:6)

"Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him." (Proverbs 22:15)

"Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish him with the rod, he will not die. Punish him with the rod and save his soul from death." (Proverbs 23:13-14)

"The rod of correcton imparts wisdom, but a child left to himself disgraces his mother." (Proverbs 29:15)

"Discipline your son, and he will give you peace; he will bring delight to your soul." (Proverbs 29:17)

Don't bother getting mad at me, God said it.

More on the Strong Willed Child...

Another great post on strong willed children.