Happy Anniversary to Me...

ahem, Us...

J and I were married 8 years ago today. I remember my friends asking me if I felt nervous on my wedding day. I said, "No, I felt like a Queen!"

J and I started dating when I was 18. We have always been best friends, but that didn't help our marriage. Our first 4 years were filled with near constant conflict and extremely LOUD arguments, many of which my oldest son unfortunately witnessed.

After my daughter was born, I made an effort to keep the peace and our relationship improved. But real change has occured over the past year, when I learned to not just appease J, but to please him. I am learning the secret of submission, and it has made a big difference.

"Wives, submit to your husbands as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything." Ephesians 6:22-24

It has taken me a while to wrap my mind around submission. I have heard women say submission means that when husbands and wives disagree, the wives must go with the husbands' decision. Submission means much more to me.

To me, submission is putting my husband first (under God). And putting HIS needs and desires above my own.

"For man did not come from woman, but woman from man; neither was man created for woman, but woman for man." 1 Corinthians 11:8-9

I was not created to pursue my goals and desires, I was created for my husband. Now I am sure you can't tell I have a strong personality, but my flesh did not want to accept this. I thought submission put me in a position of weakness. Now I see it as a position of strength.

"The Lord God said, 'It is not good for man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.'" Genesis 2:18

The Lord could not find a suitable helper for man, so He made woman. My husband needs me.

So I look for ways to help my husband. Instead of thinking, "Sigh... Let me wash these dishes so J won't have anything to complain about." I think, "Let me make this kitchen sparkle so J has something good to look at when he gets home."

Instead of flying off the handle because J came home late and I didn't get my "Me" time. I say, "Honey, you go get some rest. I'll go to homeschool group next week."

I no longer want my man to have to worry about:
-where he puts his dirty clothes
-doing dishes and other household chores
-getting nagged about said chores
-hearing complaints about the life he provides
-having the money he works for squandered
-being disrespected in front of his kids
-having his kids side against him.

I am learning to:
-approach him with issues at the proper time in a respectful manner
-give him room to make mistakes
-handle conflicts in ways that don't challenge his manhood
-allow him to apologize while still saving face.

"The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down." Proverbs 14:1

I am learning to build my house. Now, here is what my man has done for me.

He has started saying things like, "Let me help you fold those clothes" and "Why don't you start getting your nails done every week?"

He has said to his co-worker, "I can't take that appointment, I made a committment to my wife." And to his boss, "I won't be in training next week - it's my anniversary!"

Now if you know J, you know he is a workaholic. His goal since childhood was to be a millionaire, and I have no doubt he can achieve this goal and will (Lord willing). Over the past month, J has had multiple offers to go into business but he has said, "If I'm going to build a business, I want to build it with family."

"Husbands love your wives just as Christ loves the church and gave himself up for her..." Ephesians 6:25

My husband is learning to give himself up for me. And if we never have a family business, and if he never stops traveling, and even if he travels more, it means everything to me to know I have his heart.

"Who can find a virtuous woman? For her price is far above rubies. The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her..." Proverbs 31:10-11 (KJV)

"A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life." Proverbs 31:10-12 (NIV)

And with that, I'm off to make breakfast for my husband. It's our anniversary!