One thing I have learned over the past 8 years is that the best thing I can possibly do for myself, is keep my husband happy. If I turn my attention to making J happy, instead of complaining because he wants this or that, then he in turn focuses on making me happy, and we both win!
Here's a checklist I had J fill out a while back. It basically let me know his priorities so that I could focus on what he felt was important.
Disclaimer: If you are going to do this activity with your husband, don't judge (or complain about) his choices. So what if he values a clean house and folded laundry over time with the kids? Let the kids tear up the house when he's away and clean it up an hour before he comes home. Your kids are better off with a content father, than they are with one who has been nagged and browbeaten into doing what his wife wants.
Besides, if you consistently aim to please your husband, he will more readily listen to and aim to please you. Call it unfair if you want to, but that's often the way it works. I truly became happy in my marriage when I learned to put J first.
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